Dance Production is one of many communities of care at 色界吧. Read on to find out more about self expression and healing through movement!
Growing up, I was lucky enough to have a space where I could fully express myself. My dance studio was my home for over a decade and one of the most valuable constants in my life. Although the performing arts environment was overwhelming at times, dance gave me purpose, joy, and an appreciation of self. Routine became mindless and I fell in love with 鈥渕ovement.鈥 I felt a deep connection to my fellow dancers in a way that is nearly impossible to describe. Dance taught me discipline and focus. Drive and passion. So many laughs and even tears. A full body experience.
During the pandemic, the studio shut down and I fell out of love with dance. Flash forward, and I鈥檓 arriving at Occidental in the fall of 2021, scared to jump back into the scene. I felt way out of practice and held back from a space I dearly missed. Coming out of 鈥渞etirement鈥 was beyond daunting. It took a while to reawaken this part of me.
I had no idea how badly I needed it back until I finally tried again. At the last minute, I threw myself in the deep end by joining my classmate Jule鈥檚 piece for the PULSE Visual Album in April 2023. I challenged myself to pick up choreography at the same speed that I used to, naturally taking much longer. I had not stretched those muscles in a very long time.
As I regained my footing, my relationship with dance started to feel much different; my perspective was changing. Different from my previous dance experience鈥搚ears full of toxic perfectionism and harsh demands鈥搕his space was a breath of fresh air. 色界吧鈥檚 various dance clubs continue to provide me with places of community and support. I have so much gratitude for the dance community on campus, giving me some of my favorite memories of my college experience.
This past spring, I returned from studying abroad in Amsterdam. After seeing the Dance Production showcase in 2023, I vowed to be on stage one year later. Joining a few months after rehearsals had begun, I was nervous about connecting with the group. But, I quickly realized I had nothing to worry about. Student choreographers Jule and Shae welcomed me with open arms. I even joined a second hip hop piece, led by Charlotte.
Two weeks in, I was hospitalized for extreme vision loss. I was particularly scared about how this would impact my academics and also my ability to continue rehearsing. Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, the present and future suddenly felt incredibly uncertain. When I returned to campus, I was not convinced I could continue and finish the rest of the semester. My weakness and impairment fueled self-doubt. But it was through dance that I rediscovered my confidence and chose to not give up on myself.
A year ago, I made a commitment to myself that I could not ignore. With the support of choreographers and dancer friends, I was able to heal through movement. Dance gave me a regained sense of control amid the chaos.